Have you Evatt seen owt like it?

Moody: Ian Evatt successfully appeals to the referee to send off Robert Green

Blackpool defender Ian Evatt has reacted angrily to what he believes to be a show of arrogance from West Ham ahead of this weekend’s Championship play-off final.

Evatt was visibly upset when told about the following developments, which he believes demonstrate a lack of respect for Ian Holloway’s men:

• According to one insider who does not exist, West Ham have banned players from arriving to the game in suits, insisting that this gives the impression that “we even need to try”. Instead, players will come dressed as various characters from the popular ITV2 show The Only Way Is Essex, which is said to be popular among staff.
• Sam Allardyce has already been paid his £1m promotion bonus which he has used to buy the land immediately next to Steve Kean’s home, where he plans to relocate the evicted Dale Farm residents.
• Carlton Cole has named his new hamster ‘Premiership’.
• First-team coach Wally Downes has already sent hand-written farewell cards to each Championship club which read simply: “Laters, mugs”.
• The club have hired out the entire Jubilee Line on Saturday evening to allow fans from across London to celebrate together.
• If West Ham are more than two goals ahead at half time, Mark Noble will be substituted for his two-year-old daughter, Honey.
• If West Ham are more than four goals ahead with five minutes remaining, Carlton Cole will be substituted for Freddie Sears.

Evatt, who is from Coventry, is understandably angry.

“This is typical cockney behaviour", said the moody defender when told about the plans. "Playing a girl in midfield, or any position for that matter, is just taking the piss. We’re not the best team in the world but we’re not that bad”.

Joint chairman David Gold has already arranged an all-expenses-paid holiday for the players to celebrate. In yet another twist that is certain to infuriate Evatt further, Gold has arranged for the celebrations to take place in Blackpool so that players and staff can visit the Blackpool Illuminations. The players declined the offer.

While some Blackpool fans shared Evatt’s irritation, others were more relaxed.

“I found the West Ham fans a good bunch when we went there”, commented one fan on a Blackpool supporters forum. “Not like the ones you see on that film Green Street”.

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