My season in tweets

Confirmation yesterday that West Ham came up short in the race for automatic promotion means the final verdict on the season will have to wait for another day. In the meantime, here’s my review of the season as it happened – in tweets ...

 August

It's just a shame that Freddie Sears isn't any good at football.
7 August – Poor Freddie gets used as a scapegoat following the opening day defeat to Cardiff.

Watching Scott Parker yesterday was like witnessing someone working their notice period while carrying out a handover with their replacement
8 August – Scott Parker’s heart clearly isn’t in it.

On my way to Upton Park. Since 1989 West Ham have played Leeds 26 times, winning just twice.
21 August – Some things never change.

Leeds fans singing to Cole 'You're just a shit Emile Heskey', DJ Campbell, etc. Any black striker they can think of. Such classy fans.
21 August – Some things never change.

Oh dear NcNaughton. I think that's what they call 'doing a Woodgate'. Silly boy.
24 August – Debutant Callum McNaughton is sent off in the League Cup defeat to Aldershot. He doesn’t play again.

Brian Montenegro? Seriously? What next - Derek Sanchez? Bernard Dominguez?
26 August – Brian makes one appearance as a substitute in the FA Cup defeat to Sheffield Wednesday.

How about requesting your new club stop being tightfisted? How about not signing 5-year contracts? How about playing until the deal is done?
30 August – Scott Parker’s transfer request is not appreciated.


September

Of recent signings Lansbury best by a mile. Don't know much about Baldock, Demel or Montenegro. Diop a squad player. Macca good enough.
1 September – The August signings failed to make much of an impact.

Presenter *claims* he's proud to be here. Bentley:"It's a club that's .. you know .. a good club .. and they wanted me .. it's in London".
14 September – The first of many anti-David Bentley tweets.

Carl Fletcher appointed caretaker manager of Plymouth Argyle. I wonder what learnings he will take from his time under Pardew.
20 September - #justsaying

How can the Brighton game be rescheduled just one month in advance?! Great news for armchair fans. A massive pain in the arse for the rest.
22 September – At times this season it seemed like we were on the box every week.

On my way to Upton Park with a horrible feeling that Lee Bowyer is going to score.
27 September – Lee Bowyer scores a last-minute winner for Ipswich.

I don't know what game I'll need it for but I've got my 'I Was There When David Bentley Did Something Useful' t-shirt ready.
28 September – The t-shirt proved surplus to requirements.


October

Someone in the west stand lower today was wearing a 'Love West Ham, Hate Fat Sam' t-shirt. I assume he didn't approve of today's 4-0 win.
15 October – The tide begins to turn against Big Sam.

He came from MK Dons / He's cooler than the Fonz / Sam Baldock, whooaaaa ...
15 October – My song never takes off. A bit like Baldock’s season, then.

Very rare to see all West Ham fans united in a common point of view. Just a shame it takes a reprobate to do it. #DontSignDiouf
21 October – Diouf trains with West Ham. Fans kick up a fuss. Diouf signs for Doncaster.

Leeds up to third. Had they not conceded late on Tuesday night they would be second. Simon Grayson working miracles there with no money.
22 October – Ken Bates doesn’t agree. Grayson sacked. Colin employed. Leeds finish 14th.

Tweet of the year “@Jeremy_Nicholas: Delighted that Diouf won't be signing. Announcing his name would have stuck in my throat.#WestHam”
28 October – You’ve gotta love Jem.


November

West Ham are second. From many fans' reaction last night you would think we were second from bottom. When did football become so kneejerk.
2 November – A draw at home to Bristol City doesn’t go down well.

Christine Bleakley on Fat Frank being picked for Euro 2012: "If that's the case, the whole summer is written off". Tell me about it.
22 November – It’s important to mention Frank every now and then.

For consistently well-taken penalties Mark Noble is up there with Julian Dicks and Ray Stewart.
26 November – A Mark Noble penalty clinches victory against Derby in yet another televised game.

Why was Nigel Clough moaning about our lack of injuries?! Taylor, Baldock, Lansbury, Reid. Sorry if that's not enough, Nige.
29 November – Nige doesn’t take defeat well.


December

En route to Upton Park hoping that Stanislas and Hines are as ineffective as I remember
3 December – Hines doesn’t play. Stanislas sets up Burnley’s winner in the 2-1 defeat.

Sheffield Wednesday v West Ham. A bit like a convention for Sheffield United haters.
4 December – We draw Sheffield Wednesday in the FA Cup.

I think it went wrong at around 1pm when I said "Have we had a red card this season?"
10 December – In what would prove a highly significant defeat, we are beaten 3-0 by Reading. Joey O’Brien and Jack Collison are both sent off. But I get to meet David Gold so it’s not all bad.

We are (joint) top of the league say we are (joint) top of the league ...
17 December – The 1-0 defeat of Barnsley may not have seemed like it at the time, but it proved to be a high point.

3 reasons not to go to today's game: 1. Boxing day 2. It's on TV 3. St Andrew's is grim. So well done to our brilliant travelling support.
26 December – Despite an up-and-down season, away fans were consistently brilliant.

Derby have beaten West Ham just once in the last 16 meetings. It would appear we are their bogey team.
29 December – West Ham end the year with a 2-1 defeat at Derby.


January

For the first time this season West Ham's home form is better than its away form.
3 January – Not for much longer.

If Robbie Keane is half as good for Aston Villa as he was for West Ham, he will score one goal.
12 January – Keane scores three goals. That told me.

Partizan Belgrade, who are ten points clear at the top of the Serbian league, have appointed Avram Grant as manager. What could go wrong?
13 January – Partizan are currently 12 points clear. Well done, Avram.

Bloke behind me actually cheered today when Carlton Cole was tackled. Stood unmoved arms folded when we scored.
21 January – A 2-1 defeat of Forest sees West Ham go top. Not good enough for some fans. I will be moving seats next season.

In 4 of the first 11 league matches West Ham notched 4 goals. We have managed just 10 goals in the last 9 games. #drought
29 January – Mid-season blues.

February

The pleasure of seeing smiles wiped off the faces of Millwall fans within three minutes of the equaliser. That will keep me warm today.
5 February – On a cold February weekend, we beat Millwall in a league match. Finally.

The timeline of @RavelMorrison49 shows he has nothing noteworthy to say. Ban him from Twitter so the club doesn't have to waste time on this.
8 February – Morrison posts homophobic tweets. He doesn’t make a starting appearance all season.

We're battling well with ten men but this ain't Millwall. Can't see So'ton not scoring. Greeno been immense but players losing their cool.
14 February – Southampton equalise in the 75th minute – a goal which proved to cost West Ham automatic promotion.

[Insert humourous comment about West Ham playing better with ten men]
21 February – West Ham are reduced to ten men for a third consecutive game, accumulating seven points from nine.


March

Despite leaving West Ham having never played a game, I still maintain that George John was more effective than Tal Ben Haim.
2 March – I stand by that.

If Vaz Te keeps his place ahead of Taylor I will not be a happy bunny.
7 March –  I don't stand by that. Vaz Te scores a late equaliser against Watford. He then scores 42 goals in the next six games.

West Ham appear to have gone from respecting the point to worshipping it.
10 March – West Ham draw with Doncaster, the second of six consecutive draws.

Crowd singing "We want Di Canio". Not helpful.
20 March – Fans voice their frustration during yet another home draw.

5,000 fans *did* get behind their team last night. A few journalists - so-called West Ham fans - sat in their armchairs tweeting rubbish.
28 March – A feeling of civil war emerges as West Ham-supporting hacks have a field day following the 2-0 win at Peterborough. Big Sam took the bait and labelled fans “deluded”.

Tempting to say "same old story" but this actually feels like a rather new form of disappointment.
31 March – West Ham 2 Reading 4. A one-nil lead is turned into a 2-1 deficit within the space of two minutes.


April

Crowd singing 'Stand up if you talk bollocks'.
9 April – Relations between fans and manager reach a new low during the home draw with Birmingham. 

Love this Tomkins quote: "We have gained 80 points so far this season — more than we collected in the previous two seasons combined".
18 April – James Tomkins’ poor attempt at looking on the bright side.

En route to UP trying to quantify the likelihood of today being a good day. 7/1 I reckon.
28 April - I was wrong. It was 18-1. Southampton beat Coventry 4-0 and are promoted at West Ham’s expense.

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