“You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking wins.”
- Renton, Trainspotting (1996)
The season started with a kicking by Aston Villa. It may just have ended thus. A day that began with east London bathed in optimistic sunshine, ended with Upton Parked enveloped in ominous clouds. Thank God then for the West Ham owners offering us all a free flag at the turnstile (I thought I’d taken a wrong turn and walked into Stamford Bridge) and for giving the day a theme: ‘Best of British’.
It is unclear exactly what inspired the theme. St George’s Day? The royal wedding? The return of Britain’s Got Talent? Who cares. It was a wonderfully SullivanandGoldian idea and was much more entertaining than the dross we fans endured on the pitch. Before kick off, fans were treated to a montage of classic West Ham moments and stills of great Brits: Winston Churchill, The Beatles, Princess Di, David Bowie, Dame Judi Dench, Stephen Fry, John Barnes, Daley Thompson, Noel Gallagher, The Spice Girls and – wait for it – Chris Evans. Cool Britannia: Lest we forget.
Amongst the West Ham footage were some real gems, not least that long-range Bobby Moore shot at Upton Park that is kind of heading for the top corner but is ultimately easily saved by the keeper. Sadly, the nostalgia couldn’t last forever. Some fans had also turned up to watch a game of football.
West Ham came out of the blocks all guns blazing, with Robbie Keane scoring after just two minutes. It was not a sign of things to come. We were useless for the last 80 minutes. James Collins - an unsung hero in 2007’s miraculous escape - was a tortuous reminder of everything that has gone wrong at this club since Alan Curbishley left. Nigel Reo-Coker was a reminder that Nigel Reo-Coker is a twat. An agricultural tackle that ended Gary O’Neil’s day was the cue for the Bobby Moore Lower to chant: “Do, do, do. Fuck off Reo-Coker”.
After Darren Bent’s equaliser, the only surprise was that it took until second-half stoppage time for Villa to take the lead. What need is there to weep over parts of Avram Grant’s logic? The whole of it calls for tears. But why oh why does he think it a good idea to play Victor Obinna, Demba Ba and Zavon Hines in midfield? They are attacking players and Lars Jacobsen and Wayne “skin me if you can ... oh you just did” Bridge were left horribly exposed. The winning goal was the last of numerous examples.
As was the case in 2003, we seem to be sleepwalking to relegation, and again we are doing so with quality players at our disposal. It is this that makes it all so depressing. If Avram Grant is still in charge in June and you see me renewing my season ticket, buy a gun and shoot me. My father will understand. He is also a season-ticket holder.
On the other side of London that Great Brit Noel Gallagher had a much better day, watching Manchester City reach the FA Cup Final for the first time in 30 years. Meanwhile, the best West Ham team since 2003 heads towards the new Brighton and Hove Albion stadium. Why? I don’t know. I don’t care. All I know is Grant’ll take us there.
Profoundly sad day spent in New York watching Hammers do what Hammers do followed my Man Cash scraping by Man Scum and the Spanish version of WHU v Millwall . All in all an awfull day.
ReplyDeleteBridge, Jacobsen, Upson are not 'quality'. Noble isn't 'quality. O'Neil isn't quality, Cole isn't 'quality'.....West Ham are no longer 'quality', apart from the odd 10 minutes every so often. This has been true for years now, since before Pardew. WHU haven't had much 'quality' since Rednapp's time here. The current manager is a time server, hanging on until those who pay his wages suss him out. The owners are real estate people. We deserve 100% to go down, and have done for two seasons now. Too slow, no creativity, and only 4, maybe 5 players - Green, Keane, Ba, Obinna and of course Parker who deserve to play in the PL.
ReplyDeleteIn frustration, you can talk about 'Man Cash', but that's today's football. Unfortunately we've had a builder who has a holdiday camp, some Icelandic 'bankers' and some porno merchants as owners. Plus a chief exec who slags the team off in her 'column' in the Sun FFS - this simply means we are the "Ratners" of football.
ReplyDeleteWe could argue all day about the merits of individual players but the bottom line is that a half decent manager with Parker, Green, Ba, Keane, Piquionne, Da Costa and Hitzlsperger at his disposal should not be embroiled in a relegation battle.
ReplyDeleteBridge, Noble and Cole may have issues with their form but, again, a better manager would get more out of them. In the event that we are relegated, PL clubs will be chasing their signature.
There is not a team in the bottom half that I would swap squads with.
My point? The blame lies with Grant. He has no excuses.
Well done on the Oasis references throughout, especially the last line...almost missed that one.
ReplyDeleteSome other songs that come to mind in our predicament:
- Going Nowhere
- Fade Away
- Acquiesce
- Don't Look Back In Anger
- (What's The Story) Herita Ilunga
Avram keeps talking about 9+ points needed when we haven't suggested anything like 3 wins from 5 league matches all season.
ReplyDeleteWhat scares me is that he believes it will all suddenly click together - we've been rooted in and around the relegation spot all season.
The January signings under a decent manager should've seen us move comfortably away from trouble but alas we've seen constant changing of tactics that are utterly bizzare at best. We aren't Barcelona so 433 or variations of it cannot work.
Only West Ham can line up a new manager mid season & completely ruin the deal.
I've resigned myself to our fate