Octopus Style Predictions

James Beattie today declared that: “Rangers are the biggest team in Scotland.” A nice, albeit obvious bit of PR, I thought. “And one of the biggest teams in Europe”, he concluded. Well, if he can talk cobblers, so can I. Here are my predictions for the new season.

Player of the year
Scott Parker

Player of the year that isn’t Scott Parker
Thomas Hitzlsperger

Least votes for player of the year
Frederic Piquionne

Greatest hopes

1. Jack Collison comes back before Christmas and stays fit

2. Avram keeps up his stony facade and avoids any kissing-the-ground moments or
you-cannot-take-Portsmouth-away-from-me-and-my-heart comments

3. Benni McCarthy goes on Celebrity Fit Club

Greatest fears

1. Benni McCarthy leaves Celebrity Fit Club after two days

2. We fail to win a London derby

3. Nobby Solano brings one of those rabid vampire bats back from Peru

Do say
One year to go and Dyer’s off the payroll

Don’t say
We’ll be alright once Dyer’s fit

The season in numbers:

2

Number of days into the January transfer window Harry will wait before declaring an interest in a West Ham player or a player linked with West Ham

3

Consecutive days Gold and Sullivan will go without giving an interview

5

Number of home games before away fans get bored of baiting Robert Green

8

Years we will try to extend Scott Parker’s contract by

11

Minutes before Dyer comes off injured and his season ends

13

Our final position


C’mon you Irons!