Ignoreland

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Over to you. Over to those of you who can still see a way out of this mess. I’ve got nothing. The 3-1 defeat to Newcastle United on Saturday hammered home all my worst fears: the majority of our players are average; we don’t have a goalscorer; we cannot retain possession; our few genuinely quality players are not bothered.

Sam Allardyce (and the board) must take responsibility for assembling a group of very ordinary players. I’ve read Moneyball. I get how Sam wanted it to end. He got it wrong.

Joey O’Brien, George McCartney, Matt Taylor, James Collins, Razvan Rat, Joe Cole, Kevin Nolan, Matt Jarvis, Carlton Cole. You can carry three – maybe at a push, four – of those players and survive in this division. But our team is riddled with them.

At the fans forum in December I asked Allardyce about the setup of our scouting network, questioning in particular why we had wasted the summer chasing Romelu Lukaku, a player who is clearly too good  for us. Allardyce dismissed my question, claiming that Lukaku was close to signing, but opted instead to join Everton, having been persuaded to do so by his friend Kevin Mirallas. Nothing to do with wanting to play for a team likely to challenge for Champions League football and with a rather different footballing philosophy to yours then, Sam?

Exactly the same thing has happened this transfer window. We have courted Monaco’s Lacina Traore and, guess what, he would also rather play for Everton.  We tried to sign John Heitinga – yes the guy who played in the World Cup final. But funnily enough, he prefers the idea of playing for Roma – yes the team second in Serie A.

So while David Sullivan and Allardyce chase their pipe dreams, we are left with Andy Carroll, Carlton Cole and Modibo Maiga as our attacking options, and a rotating defence which yesterday included Roger Johnson (he of the lower leagues) and left-footed Matt Taylor at right back.

Maiga is not a bad player but he cannot play the role that Allardyce’s one-dimensional system demands of him. Cole just isn’t very good and never really has been. He was a free agent in the summer. Nobody signed him.

Carroll pockets £80,000 a week while leading a social life that would make a student during freshers week look square. He made his Premier League debut in 2006 and since then has scored 28 goals in this division. Our hopes now rest on his shoulders.

The transfer window offered false hope. We all know that the chances of doing any good business at this time of year are minimal. Far from the focus being on who will join, it’s now about who will leave. Ravel Morrison and Mohamed Diame have both been tapped up by Fulham. It shows in their performances. These are two players who have the ability to turn our fortunes around, but just aren’t interested. Funny how all the fans’ criticism sits solely at Allardyce’s feet.

That’s how fans behave. The manager is the scapegoat while the sun shines out of every player’s arse. Slaven Bilic made some 50 appearances for us before sulking his way to a big payday at Everton. Still a large section of fans call for his return as manager. Why are so many players spoilt brats? Because they can get away with it.

When David Gold and Sullivan joined we were told about a five-year plan. That implies a strategy. How I would love to see that paper. What exactly was the plan – buy British? Bring back ex players? Court world-class players we’ve no chance of signing? Blow the transfer budget on an injury-prone striker devoid of self discipline? Get James Collins to hit aimless 60-yard “passes”.

And don’t get me started on our beloved Academy. Why spend millions of pounds a year running it then employ a manager whose only use of youth players is as cannon fodder in the cups. Allardyce would prefer to stick square pegs in round holes (see poor Matt Taylor’s woeful performance at right back yesterday) than nurture someone like Leo Chambers who can play in that position but who is instead left on the bench.

Some clubs build their squads through a combination of nurturing young talent and making smart good-value signings from foreign leagues. We do neither. We amass average players with a few good ones who soon lose their motivation. Someone really should take the blame.