The past was yours but the future's mine

Harry advises Joe: "Life is hard enough when you belong here".

A month has now passed since West Ham confirmed their return to the Premier League and in that time the press have linked us with no fewer than 50 different players. The list includes a couple of Arsenal goalkeepers, several Senegalese players and half the Wolves team. It also includes five ex-Hammers. Certain names have stirred much excitement amongst some fans. As someone who would prefer that one of his favourite bands, The Stone Roses, had resisted the temptation of a comeback tour, there is no sentimental side to me that longs for the return of any ex-players.

I assume that the majority of supporters are united in an aversion to Nigel Reo-Coker ever wearing claret and blue again (unless he finally finds his natural level and signs for Scunthorpe). I for one am about as keen to see the Luftwaffe return to the East End as I am Mr Mediocre. According to the Daily Mail, Sam Allardyce is a fan of NRC but the club are put off by his £40,000-a-week wages. I am put off by the fact that he spent his last year at the club sulking like a baby.

Yossi Benayoun has also attracted some attention. He has been a bit-part player at several clubs since he left Upton Park in 2007. At the age of 32, I fear that a player whose greatest asset was his movement no longer has a great deal to offer.

Of those players rumoured to be on the verge of an Upton Park return, the one I would welcome back is James Collins. Collins was the unsung hero in 2007’s ‘Greatest Escape’ team and it is unsurprising that he has been a success at Aston Villa. Given that George McCartney is a Sunderland player again, I would have no objections to him returning for a third time, though possibly as back up rather than first-choice left back.

Injuries may have played their part, but Joe Cole has never come close to fulfilling the potential he had as a teenager. A decent season at Lille gives hope that he may yet resurrect his career but for Paddington-born Cole, now in his thirties, time is against him. The reality is that a return to West Ham just under ten years after he left would be seen as an admission of failure. West Ham may have a special place in his heart - in his autobiography Fat Frank contrasted his own contemptuous feelings towards West Ham with those of his then teammate - but Joey is a West End boy who supported Chelsea as a kid, and a return to E13 would not be the romantic homecoming for him that it would be for some supporters.

And yet I know that my opposition to the return of Joey probably puts me in a minority. My attitude to sentimental returns was recently summed up by Roberto Di Matteo who, when asked whether he would consider going back to West Brom, said: “In my life, I've gone back to an ex-girlfriend and it didn't work out.” On both levels, I can relate to Di Matteo on this one.

Of course, that’s not to say comebacks never work. Julian Dicks and Tony Cottee both had brilliant second spells with the club. But it’s worth questioning what motivates fans who long for Joe Cole to be back in claret and blue. My suspicion is that such fans yearn for the past and have never fully come to terms with the fact that a squad that in 2001 contained Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Jermaine Defoe, Michael Carrick and Glen Johnson, three years later comprised Adam Nowland, Neil Mellor, Kevin Horlock, Brian Deane and Wayne Quinn.

In a footballing context, it was a tragedy and what Glen Roeder did to this club should never be forgotten. It should also not be forgotten that Joe Cole publicly backed Roeder to be West Ham manager in 2001. I am not suggesting holding a grudge against a then young man who simply gave his opinion (albeit an incredibly poor one), but when things did inevitably go wrong, Cole was able to move on to better things. It’s you and I who out of blind loyalty made do with Championship football rather than Champions League football.

A mercifully brief spell in the Championship is behind us, and now is the time for optimism where we look forward, not backwards. Some things - like Mancunian indie bands who had one good album 20 years ago - belong to the past.

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An open letter to the Daily Mirror

Dear Steve Stammers

This is an open letter to you in response to your open letter to Sam Allardyce. I doubt you’ll read it, but then I again I doubt Big Sam will read yours.

Please see below my comments in blue. Your sage words are in italics.

It's time to add finesse to the steel: An open letter to West Ham manager Sam Allardyce

There's one way to get the West Ham fans on side - and that's by playing football

I think it’s already been established that Allardyce is about as interested in getting the fans “on side” as he is with being Facebook friends with Steve Kean. If there was any doubt, then I think him calling us “deluded” ended the ambiguity. But, anyway, do go on ...

Dear Sam.

Congratulations on taking West Ham back among the elite. But without wishing to rain on anybody's parade or sound in any way churlish, that is only half the job done.

Churlish? Not at all.

Victory against a decent but limited Blackpool outfit on a scorching hot day at Wembley is one matter. That has ensured an immediate return to the Premier League and the Upton Park fans will be delighted at that achievement. But adjustments now have to be made.

Was it scorching hot? Is that relevant?

Winning football through the harsh and demanding world of the Championship was necessary. And as Kevin Nolan pointed out to the Sunday Mirror with two months left of the campaign, it's sometimes necessary, in the cluttered fixture list of the second tier, to win ugly.

Uh huh.

Physical power and endurance were crucial qualities in that division. Now you might consider adding more finesse.

Yeah we’re in the Premier League now – sod power and endurance. You might need power to combat powerhouses like Jonathan Stead, Craig Mackail-Smith and Zavon Hines, but quite frankly Yaya Toure and co are mere lightweights.

As for endurance - Against Doncaster? Yes. Against Coventry? Definitely. Against Manchester United? Not so much.

The West Ham crowd can be passionate and when the team is playing the brand of football that blends aggression with subtlety, there is no better crowd to be behind you.

Yes, before you turned up Sam, Upton Park was a fortress. Those 5-yard sideward passes under Avram used to have us in raptures. Ok well maybe not under Avram, but we used to go wild for Zola. Perhaps not, but we used to chant Pards’s name all the time. Or at least when he got us to an FA Cup final. Er, Roeder … ?

This, after all, is a club where the likes of Billy Bonds was idolised as much as Trevor Brooking.

Ah, the old Billy Bonds chestnut. You forgot to mention Bobby Moore. Tell him about Bobby Moore. And 1966 and all that stuff. Has anyone told him about the West Ham way?

But there has to be a balance - and as a manager, there was proof that your teams is [sic] capable of striking that balance last season. Just remember Birmingham.

Eh?

In that match, towards the end of the season, you will not need reminding that West Ham were trailing 3-1 at half-time at Upton Park and the fans were not slow in letting you and the team know at half-time that they were less than impressed.

Er, yeah we booed our own players off the pitch. We’re all very proud of that.

Come the second half, and it was a different matter. West Ham passed with precision but played with passion. The blend was perfect and although West ham came back to 3-3, they might easily have won such was their dominance. Birmingham were outclassed and that result provided the momentum for the remainder of the season.

“West Ham dominated the second half but most of their attacking was predictable”. The Guardian

So it can be done.

What can be done? Oh yeah, precision and passion? No we’ve established that's nonsense.

There is one way to silence the "we're West ham we play in [sic] the floor" songs. And that is to replicate the form of the last month of the season.

This song was sung during the 4-0 win at Barnsley in April (the last month of the season). What's your feedback for Sam on this game?

Of course there is a place for a no-nonsense approach at times and survival next season is paramount.

So a no-nonsense approach is only necessary if we want to avoid relegation? Ok, I’m undecided.

But so is keeping the West Ham crowd on-side and if that second 45 minutes against Birmingham is a blueprint, then you will achieve that. In football, reputations are easy to earn and hard to lose. No-one doubts your teams can play and Blackburn will be cursing the fact that you were released and Steve Kean was brought in as a sub-standard replacement.

No, that 45 minutes against Birmingham is not a blueprint. 6-0 against Brighton is a blueprint. 4-0 against Watford. 4-0 against Barnsley. 4-0 against Blackpool. 4-1 against Blackpool. 4-1 against Nottingham Forest. 3-0 against Cardiff. Why do you keep harping on about a 45 minutes against Birmingham in which we continually lumped the ball up to Carlton Cole’s head? Was this the only match you saw last season? Were you awake during it?

But just a sprinkling more football and a tad less reliance on power and the crowd will be with you.

A sprinkling more football and a tad less reliance on power. And that, ladies and gentleman, is all you need to know about football. And to think of all those hours Allardyce spends studying stats. Dickhead.

They are certainly not one to have against you.

Thanks Steve for explaining to our manager just how simple it all could be. How about this for next week's column: 'Syria: why the government and the opposition just need to get along.'

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