If this transfer window has taught us one thing, it is that a number of West Ham fans spend a surprisingly large amount of time watching obscure football matches. Taking time out to watch teams such as AEK Athens, Hamburg, MK Dons and Arsenal Reserves is apparently commonplace.
I say this in light of the number of people who were quick to laud our last-minute transfer dealings. I have to confess to only being partly interested in football, being as I am someone who rarely (or should I say never) watches any of the aforementioned teams. For that reason, I keep an open mind about Sam Baldock, Guy Demel, et al. I am at least familiar with David Bentley’s work.
West Ham seem to be riding a wave of optimism at the moment, which has lead to every new signing being welcomed as the second coming. This seems to be especially true in the case of Kevin Nolan, if the rather homoerotic song in tribute of our new scouser is anything to go by.
A dose of cynicism is a healthy way to analyse any newcomer. Surely, in a post-Joey Beauchamp world it is inevitable.
Having been signed from Oxford United for a fee of £1.2m in the summer of 1994, Beauchamp waited about seven minutes before declaring himself homesick and deciding that he had made a terrible mistake. People made fun of Jon Solako for turning down Newcastle for being “too far north” but at least he had the foresight to think it through.
Joey “it’s too far south east” Beauchamp was subsequently sold to Swindon Town without having played a competitive game.
The deal was valued at £800,000 with West Ham acquiring Adrian Whitbread, who was valued at £750,000. In other words, a £1.2m outlay returned to West Ham £50,000 plus Adrian Whitbread. Whitbread played ten games before being sold to Portsmouth for £250,000.
In short, lily-livered Beauchamp cost us £900,000.
For me, Oxford is tantamount to Milton Keynes. The towns are certainly closer to each other than Moscow and Ludek Miklosko’s home country. So it seems only logical to fear that MK Dons recruit Sam Baldock has the potential to be as big a letdown as Beauchamp. In the spirit of keeping an open mind, however, I did make an effort to listen to his interview on BBC’s ‘Inside West Ham’ podcast. Going forward, this is how I shall judge all new signings.
Being interviewed on this show is an unenviable task. The interviewer poses stupid non-questions, such as: “You weren’t a West Ham fan growing up but you obviously know what we’re about?” Baldock replied: “Well in my lifetime, the club has been about yo-yoing divisions and seeking to play as many aimless five-yard side passes as possible, perhaps best embodied by Ian Bishop”.
Suffice it to say, that’s a lie. Baldock gave textbook answers, quickly ticking the “great fans” and “great tradition” boxes. He also talked of wanting to “hit it off” with the players and “bed in”, but that’s more than enough Ian Bishop references for now.
Having witnessed endless lethargic performances over the years, fans will understandably welcome the enthusiasm of an underdog like Baldock. David Bentley is a different matter.
When I think of Bentley, three images come to mind. There is the time when he threw water over Harry Redknapp. The time when he stood behind someone being interviewed on Sky Sports News and waved comically in the background. And the time when he celebrated his flooky goal at the Emirates and the subsequent result by dancing in front of the Spurs fan like a drunk teenager in Magaluf.
It therefore came as something of a surprise when on arriving at West Ham he gave the impression that he was about as happy to be here as Joey Barton at QPR. No talk of great tradition and great fans from him.
“It’s a club that’s … you know … a good club … and they wanted me … it’s in London, so I don’t have to move my family.” As long as he produces the goods on the pitch then he is entitled to be as miserable as he likes. His performance at Upton Park last season for Birmingham suggests though, that this is far from a given.
Fortunately, Bentley’s interview was followed by Papa Bouba Diop, who might just be the happiest man in the world. There was no interview from Henri Lansbury – just a very promising performance and a goal against Portsmouth. Hopefully he can be spared the torture of an ‘Inside West Ham’ interview. If not, here’s hoping he’s more PBD than Bentley.
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