What the Papers Say

"There is a bias in the media towards West Ham, the glamour club from London, and we live with that."

Those were the words of Steve Bruce on the eve of Birmingham’s efforts to relegate us in May 2003. The words "chip", "shoulder" and "big fat head" immediately spring to my mind but, whilst conspiracy theories about a cockney mafia in Fleet Street may be wide of the mark (demonstrated by the numerous spurious stories written about Tevezgate), West Ham do seem to take up a disproportionately large amount of column inches.

This week’s papers included opinion pieces about our beloved club by former player Ian Wright and Hammers fan and Daily Mail hack Martin Samuel, following Managing Director Karren Brady’s weekend column in the Sun.

Martin Samuel does his best to write objectively but even he is clearly struggling to temper his anger at Avram’s reign.

"Taking his time at Portsmouth and West Ham into account, he has been bottom of the Premier League for all but three weeks in the last year and, even without the 10-point deduction, Portsmouth would have been relegated with him in charge.

"No wonder Grant asks to be judged on factors beyond league position, as if with an established system of meritocracy tried and available we should now be looking at the unquantifiable for clues."

Indeed, Avram possesses that Roederian inability to at least acknowledge his team’s failings, choosing instead to patronise the fans with suggestions that we are simply in a false position and that we are absolutely heading in the right direction.

During Curbs’s disastrous first few weeks in the job, whilst trying to look at the positives, he admitted that we were in a "results business", and that he would be judged accordingly. Avram is oblivious to this, choosing instead to focus on the bad luck of injuries, oblivious to the fact that he wasted the preseason opportunity to strengthen the squad.

On Tuesday, Ian Wright had his turn in the Sun.

"I've seen a few of their games this season and it looks as though opponents are happy to play at Upton Park because there's no chance West Ham are going to come out all fired up by a rocket from the manager.

"He's a very calm and relaxed fella but that's not what West Ham need right now. They want someone animated and able to deliver a few home truths. They need someone who can get ALL the players riled up, not just Scotty Parker."

I am about as interested in Ian Wright’s opinions on football, as I am the Pope’s on birth control but however simplistic his sentiment, it’s hard to quarrel with. It doesn’t need a 10,000-word dissertation to articulate the fact that without some fight and backbone we are destined to continue in the same vein and finish the season around the 27-point mark.

On Wednesday, up stepped Darren Lewis of the Mirror. Now Darren is not a West Ham fan, but apparently his mate Stuart is. Stuart, who may or may not have read Love In the Time's pro-Fat Sam polemic last week, would favour Championship football over having to endure a more direct style of play.

"While he has the utmost respect for the job Sam Allardyce has done at Blackburn and Bolton, he'd rather his beloved West Ham go down than welcome the out-of-work boss to Upton Park.

"It was a view that stunned me, I have to say. Allardyce has a track record of stabilising clubs and getting the job done. It might not be pretty, but then Premier League safety is surely all-important - or so I thought."

Stuart is clearly not alone in his view and it appears that few Newcastle or even Blackburn fans are queuing up to write Fat Sam a reference. It certainly would be the throw of dices to end all dice throwing, but the prospect still remains something to fill papers, rather than anything approaching reality.

Later that day James Olley took a refreshingly new angle on the situation, by writing in the Evening Standard that Stuart Pearce was the man to save us. Given that the Evening Standard is a regional paper, I assume Steve Bruce would forgive the London-centric nature of this piece.

"Attendances are falling and the general apathy around the Boleyn Ground is a corrosive backdrop against which the Hammers are falling ever deeper into a relegation fight."

Depressingly, the word ‘apathy’ seems to perfectly sum up the mood at Upton Park right now. Fans may be divided as to what the solution is but underlying this seems to be a general feeling of meh, as though all the options available are just a series of lesser evils, with no one change offering both a short and long-term solution. Is Psycho the answer to our prayers? Maybe, but probably not.

I cannot remember a time when there has been so much speculation about a successor before a manager has been giving his marching orders. It’s as if Avram’s departure is a fact that no-one has shared with Gold and Sullivan.

Preceding all of this was Karren Brady who tiptoed nicely around the subject of Avram’s job security.

"There are the calls about our manager's future. All I'll say is that he knows the team have to do better. David Sullivan and David Gold bought West Ham out of love for the club. They want it to grow into a giant while remaining true to its footballing traditions. Relegation in their first season would be no way to start."

Wouldn’t be ideal, would it. The owners cannot realistically expect the fans to wait patiently for Avram to sort things out, having previously described relegation as "Armageddon".

There is not much that David and David can do about people expressing their opinion, but they made it clear this week via the club website that they will not tolerate anything purporting to be fact that is not so.

"Contrary to a report made in today's Daily Mirror, the club categorically deny that Carlton Cole, Keiron Dyer, Herita Ilunga, Danny Gabbidon and Luis Boa Morte can only train two days a week; they train every day they are requested to without fail. The players and the club are seeking legal advice on the matter."

And there you have it. A fairly typical week in the soap opera that is West Ham. Maybe somewhere within all that is the key to survival. Then again ...

LOVE IN THE TIME OF COLLISON RETURNS IN JANUARY WHEN WEST HAM WILL BE NINE POINTS THE RICHER. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND AS SHANE MACGOWAN MIGHT SAY "I’VE GOT A FEELING THIS YEAR’S FOR WEST HAM UNITED". HONESTLY. COME ON YOU IRONS!