Stuff Doesn’t Happen

Sam Allardyce has been in the job just under two months, has yet to oversee a competitive match and has his hands tied by the unexpected absence of interest in his key assets. But that’s really no reason to wait any longer to judge him. So barren is the close season, that it becomes the bored supporter’s prerogative to read something into absolutely nothing.

Walking away from Victoria Road on Tuesday night, one glance at my Twitter feed showed me that this is how many normally sane fans actually view what the rest of us dismiss as ‘silly season’. One media-based fan who shall remain nameless - as I actually quite like him - was instantly bemoaning the lack of inspiration he felt at a 1-0 win over Dagenham. What next – a 3-0 defeat to Hull and Liverpool fans start calling for the head of King Kenny?

Avram’s near-perfect preseason record should tell us everything we need to know about the significance of close-season friendlies. Frustrating though it may be, one just has to accept that the summer months are a time of wait and see.

There is nothing more tortuous than a protracted transfer saga. The current Scott Parker situation is in danger of turning into a Fabregasian nightmare. The summer started with rumours of a move to Spurs or Arsenal. Then a move to Turkey was mooted. Then it was Chelsea. Then Villa. Chelsea again, but just on loan.

I love Scott Parker possibly more than any other player I have watched in over 20 years. I love him more than I hate Avram Grant and Glen Roeder combined. But there is a weariness in me that screams: ‘Please just sell him so we can all get on with the rest of our lives’.

But amongst the tittle-tattle, there is a tiny amount of substance to cling on to. There are certain things that we do now know that we didn’t on 1 June, when Sam Allardyce became the new gaffer.

For one, it appears that he is quite keen to tap into the resource that is the Academy. With one week to go until the start of the season, only three major signings have been made, with Allardyce opting against filling the squad with middle-of-the-road Championship journeymen. His team selections so far suggest that, like ex-Hearts player Craig Thomson, he is keen to give youth a chance.

By the end of the game on Tuesday, Robert Green was the only experienced player on the pitch and I was struggling to name even half the players. A couple of the whipper snappers looked particularly sharp (does anyone know who the no. 17 was?), and I look forward to their debuts. It’s the ones who have already made it into the first team that worry me.

I want Freddie Sears to succeed. I really do. I want it more than I want Birmingham City bankrupt. But the truth is he has been living off that debut goal against Blackburn for the last three years. I just don’t know what his strengths are. He is not a goalscorer. He doesn’t take players on. He is not a great crosser. Prove me wrong, Freddie. I dare you.

Since Mark Noble broke into the team in 2004, only Jack Collison has proven himself. The kids are alright. But not much more.

The other thing that the Dagenham game indicated, is that Big Sam may just be true to his word and give us some entertaining football. Was there the odd long ball? Yes. Any more than we have been used to seeing over the last ten years? Nope. For the most part it was players trying to knock it to feet. Easier perhaps against a League Two outfit, but encouraging nonetheless.

Finally, what is indisputable about the big fella is that he likes to stick with what he knows. Eidur Gudjohnsen was a near escape, but it’s hard to argue with the signings of Kevin Nolan, Matt Taylor and Abdoulaye Faye. Taylor looked especially good in the first half of the Daggers game. His class was there for all to see and his continued and patient acknowledgement of the fans’ chants was a nice touch.

Even Joey O’Brien (who at the time of writing was poised to sign a contract) stood out as being particularly enthusiastic. Then again, every game for him so far has been like a job interview. He may yet solve our long-running right back problem.

One thing I’m still not sure about is exactly what I call our new boss, having historically referred to him as Fat Sam. It seems that my naming convention is dictated by how happy I am with him. If he does something good, like sign Kevin Nolan, he’s Big Sam. If he does something disappointing, like try to sign Eidur Gudjohnsen, he’s Fat Sam. Otherwise, he’s just Allardyce. So far, so good, Big Sam.

If you enjoy Love In The Time Of Collison please take a minute to recommend it to the Guardian who are looking for blogs to include on their football league website. Go on. You know you want to.

The Relegation Hangover Part II

West Ham fans are well acquainted with reacclimatising to life in the second tier. Every relegation is unhappy in its own way but these latest two demotions feel worthy of comparison, bookends as they are to one of the most tumultuous periods in our history. Seven managers in eight years is testament to that.

For many, relegation this time actually felt quite cathartic, a possibility of closure, a chance to rebuild and stabilise under a manager with a reputation for organisation and discipline. But it does not alter the fact that life in the Championship is a slog and, even for the teams at the top, inevitably comes with some poor performances and embarrassing results.

Some games from the 2003/04 and 2004/05 seasons will haunt us for years to come: a home defeat to relegation strugglers Brighton; losing 2-0 to Gillingham; 4-1 defeats at the hands of Cardiff and Millwall; turning a 3-0 lead against West Brom into a 4-3defeat.

Even when we were winning, the opposition was hardly inspiring. Opponents included Bradford, Walsall, Crewe, Rotherham, as well as some team called Wimbledon who put the words ‘Football Club’ at the end of their name.

And then there were the players: Pavel Srnicek; Brian Deane; Sergei Rebrov; Adam Nowland (who I once nearly convinced myself wasn’t that bad); John Harley; Richard Garcia; Andy Melville. I could go on.

Neil Mellor; Wayne Quinn; Maurico Tarrico; Shaun Newton; Darren Powell …

Our two-year tenure in the Championship is one many of us actually look back on quite fondly. There were some genuinely good times, as the likes of Zamora, Harewood and Etherington flourished. This has helped to generate optimism about the upcoming campaign. Two games every week. A chance to see some new grounds. Winning more than losing - hopefully.

It is not until the season is underway though, that the reality hits home. Shaking that feeling of ‘we shouldn’t be here’ is all but impossible. And it only gets harder with time. I can only assume Sheffield Wednesday fans walk round in a permanent state of despair. Their Yorkshire rivals Leeds have now been out of the top flight for seven years. It is hard not to have some empathy with fans so accustomed to better things. But since this is Leeds, all one actually feels is lots and lots of schadenfreude.

Three weeks before the season starts, there are still many question marks:

• Will they stay or will they go? If we hold on to Scott Parker, Robert Green and Carlton Cole, is it for good or will they be off at the turn of the year, as David James and Jermaine Defoe were in 2004? Was it that lack of stability that did for us in 2003/04?

• Some very good players have left. Some very bad players have left. But was there not a case for keeping the likes of Jonathan Spector and Lars Jacobsen, players who could surely hold their own in the Championship? The recruitment process seems to be slower than Pablo Barrera.

• Are the most recent Academy products really any good? Junior Stanislas? Not sure. Jordan Spence? I think so. Zavon Hines? I fear not.

• What style of football will we play? Over the last few weeks many of us have found ourselves turning into Allardyce apologists, myself included. But think back to Blackburn under Big Sam. Dull one-nil wins scraped from a deflected shot as Diouf takes out the goalkeeper. Deluded or not, will we fans really be able to stomach that?

Our last dalliance with the Championship began and ended with wins against Preston. The setting for this climax was Cardiff, whose Bluebirds are our first opponents as we start all over again. We left the Millennium Stadium in May 2005, oblivious to what the subsequent years would hold: Alan Pardew’s indiscretions; Carlos Tevez and a £25m pay-off; bankrupt Icelandic owners; Gold and Sullivan; the end of the Boelyn Ground; Avram fucking Grant.

Perhaps that’s the point. Nothing is certain. But this is West Ham. What we do know is, it ain’t gonna be straightforward.